Snakes At Mount Justice
by Daisyphile
Summary: Wally and Artemis are getting it on when they're interrupted by snakes. Crackfic. WARNINGS: Contains explicit sexual references and swearing.


Wally and Artemis are in the bathroom moaning. He's putting his arrow into her quiver, if you know what I mean. They're trying to be quiet, as to not get caught, since their friends are right outside fighting over which movie to watch for the night.

They're deep in the act when all of a sudden Artemis sees something slither out of the bathtub out of the corner of her eye. She pulls away from Wally's naked body.

"Slithering…," she gasps. She's trying to catch her breath.

"I'll slither- _in_ to you, babe," he smirks. She wants to smack him.

"No! Snakes! Slithering!" She points, and sure enough, there are hordes of thick, black water snakes festering around the drain and writhing out of the tub.

Wally screams and starts throwing up in the toilet.

"Get us out of here!" Artemis yells and in a second Wally picks her up and speeds out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind them. The team stares wide-eyed and amused as Wally and Artemis are now standing completely naked in the living area.

"So what movie do you guys want to watch?" Robin cackles as the couple turns bright red.

"Wally!" Artemis berates him as she hides behind him and he covers up with his hands.

"Dude!" He shouts. "There are like a million fucking snakes in the bathroom!"

Zatanna screams and points to one that had gotten free and was now wiggling around on the carpet. M'gann unleashes a warrior's cry as she lifts the little bugger up telepathically, glares into its little snake eyes, and a second later its head pops off like a lollipop and explodes all over the room.

"M'gann, I told you to stop doing that," Connor scowls. Kaldur slowly wipes the exploded snake brains off of his face.

"That's it!" He stands up and twitches. "I am done! DONE, you hear? I keep having to play the cool, level-headed, straight man, but that was the last straw! I'm going back to fucking Atlantis," Kaldur shrieks and storms off towards the ocean.

"Can someone please get us some clothes?" Artemis complains.

"I shall kill all the snakes!" M'gann announces and starts to run towards the bathroom before Connor stops her.

"No. No more killing," Connor crosses his arms.

"Dude, is that a cock-ring?" Robin asks, noticing Wally's nether regions. Wally turns bright red and tries to cover more.

"Well, he is the fastest kid alive," Zatanna explains. Wally sighs and slips the ring off and gets down on one knee.

"Artemis, will you marry me?" He asks and the whole room falls silent, except for the hissing of a few thousand snakes.

"What?" Artemis grumbles.

"I mean, like, 45% of our friends and family are here, there's a bathroom overflowing with highly venomous snakes about to burst open, and we're probably going to be the only survivors because I'm the only one who can get us out of here in time. And we're both naked. We might as well tie the knot, right?" His head of orange hair shakes as he grins up at her.

"Ow!" Robin calls out as one of the venomous snakes is the first to bite him and he falls over and starts foaming at the mouth.

"Ya, okay, whatever," Artemis shrugs and they kiss and embrace. "Get me out of here," she says, and in a flash, the naked couple speeds away from mountain as the snakes move in and begin feasting on their friends. **_The End._**

* * *

 **Yeah, I know, it's, uh, weird. I wrote it for me, and I have a bunch of these random stories, so I figured, maybe one lone weirdo like me will enjoy my work. Which is why I posted it here. Anyway, if you do read or review, it would make my day! This fic was inspired by a prompt created by the Spinning Spinny Thing (it's an actual thing). Here's the prompt below. Love you guys!**

 _Genre_ : **Parody** and **Drama**  
 _Type_ : **Het**  
 _Age_ : **Teen and above**  
 _Warnings_ : **Sex and Swearing**  
 _Length_ : **Double drabble (200words)**

This piece will feature **Artemis** and **Wally**.

 **Keywords:**

 _Place_ : **Bathroom**  
 _People_ : **Friend**  
 _Animals_ : **Snake**  
 _Actions_ : **Vomiting**  
 _Emotion_ : **Anger**  
 _Things_ : **Ring**  
 _Concepts_ : **Same**


End file.
